Sobriquet 51.21

Last week, when I decided to finish re-reading Elizabeth Costello, there was a tiny part of me that rejoiced in putting off writing for another week. That tiny part of me, I think, must have known that the section I was to write this afternoon and evening would not be easy. In fact, it took me the better part of the afternoon to find the right sentence to bridge the paragraph I finished last week to the one I was about to type. I'm not especially proud of this fact, of course, but the tortuous process of suturing what I had already with what I was trying to write this afternoon ended up allowing me to further refine some ideas and to -- I hope -- strengthen my analysis of Disgrace.

And, truth be told, these past few days have been dissertation hell for me. Quite a few of the early bits of self-doubt -- those pesky little demons that made starting the project so difficult in the first place -- have resurfaced and I have really been struggling to overcome them. I suspect one reason for the surge in self-doubt has been that, prior to this evening, I wasn't entirely certain how I was going to tie two very important parts of the chapter together. Putting the writing off for a few days (albeit for legitimate reasons), of course, only exacerbated the situation.

At any rate, I do feel confident that the next few chunks of the chapter will be strong, but I will have to revisit a few key texts before embarking on the next leg of the journey.

For tomorrow: Locate and begin reviewing the aforementioned key texts.