Sobriquet 38.20

Okay, so I actually slept like a normal person last night. This morning (and it was actually morning in my own time zone, too), I got out of bed and decided to write another page or so of the dissertation instead of procrastinating or returning to bed as I had been doing most days. By starting early, I managed to finish writing by half past noon, giving myself essentially an entire day to enjoy myself.

Of course, by now I have forgotten what it is like to have spare time and thus spent a significant portion of the afternoon telling myself not to get any additional work done, trying to remember just how badly I had been longing for a work-free afternoon. But how to fill it? I contemplated driving to Cooperstown, to see the Baseball Hall of Fame, but it would have closed by the time I got into town. I considered going to see a play in Syracuse, but didn't really feel like spending the money. I thought about visiting an art museum in Rochester, but it wasn't open on Saturdays.

And the restlessness ate at me.

I kept thinking to myself: there's always Wal*Mart, which, sadly, seems to be the hangout for quite a few people. Figuring that the restlessness I felt might eventually burn a hole in my pocket, I resisted the urge to buy expensive things for which I have no real need and, after a short drive to Painted Post, returned home to watch television, play computer games, gab with friends and family on the phone, make candles, knit, screw around on the internet, and otherwise loaf around in a way I have not done in well over a month.

So, I let the restlessness gnaw, and it subsided. Now, as the snow swirls in the cone of yellowish light cast by the street lamp outside my window, I can at least say to myself that I had a day--one, single day--to relax and smile and build a SimCity empire...

Anyway, check this out: the outline actually helped me. I mean, I knew that working on a normal person's schedule would give me time to relax, but I really did not expect the outline to have such a positive impact on my work. There was something strangely reassuring about seeing a blueprint for the section as I wrote it. Again, I am learning that imposing structure upon myself works wonders for quashing my anxieties.


Since I am really tired (at 12:53 no less!) and writing poorly, I will call it a night and, unless I do another crossword or two before bed, hit the hay.

For tomorrow: Write a bit more.


minxy said…
Restlessness aside, it sounds like you had a really good day. YAY! :) Yes, structure is good. I like structure. I have heightened anxiety when there's too little structure in certain areas of my life. :)

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